Elegance, Jackie.
“I have to remember to be elegant in everything I do from now on.”
This is something that I have decided on my own today, coming from an incident that taught me a lesson about people, if nothing else. That is, once a person decides to close her mind and cut you off, there’s no room for anything else—no reason, no logic, no basic sense of decency. And drastic measures set aside, there isn’t anything that I am supposed to do about it right now. Everything must be reactionary.
For those curious: I was accused of falsifying data for one patient. All it takes is one awkward looking handwritten number, and these people jump to very dangerous conclusions, leading to accusations and false pretenses of listening to what I have to say, even though obviously everything I said made sense given the circumstances. Even when I cited witnesses (one of them my accusers of all people), I was still threatened to be reported to the administration. I am not afraid of them; I know that I am telling the truth. But I am annoyed at the prospect of wasting my time and effort and patience just to show them that they made a very simple, very inconvenient, and very delicate mistake.
Whatever little respect I have for these people have all but dissipated, and whatever little remorse I had for not being discreet about my dislike for them had burned to ashes, along with my so-called reputation with them. I was bothered this morning right after it happened, and exploded vaguely (yet still shamelessly) on the Internet. Which, I have to admit, was very foolish of me to do. Picking fights on the Internet, giving out status messages with the intention of telling everyone that I am pissed off but am not willing to do anything about it except posting about it on the Internet—it just isn’t very classy. It just shows that I give importance to their opinion, more than what is necessary. So no more, I won’t give in to the temptation again. (What is it with the allure of the status message box, anyway?)
Anyway, that is the extent of my woes and my self-confidence (which is, ironically, suddenly building up dramatically after this incident). Whatever they throw at me now, I have to deal with them gently, firmly, subtly but definitely. I have to show them a certain type of aloofness appropriate to their foolishness. I have to be elegant, in other words.
How difficult it is, with my short temper and my propensity for saying more than what is necessary. But I swear, this will be the last that I speak of this on such a public platform as this semi-public, obscure blog. Because, really, all of it was stupidity on their part. And I have firmly decided that I don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
